“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
I used to believe in that saying. Actually, I still do. But the premise is now different.
Before, “okay” meant us getting back together, starting all over again together, building a future together. For more than half a decade, I always had hopes that one day, you will come running after me, begging me to give our relationship one more shot.
You did actually asked me back. But that was when I was starting to move on, when I was starting to be okay.
Since I had been waiting for that to happen in the past years, I figured that maybe, it is worth trying. Ayaw kong masisi. Ayaw kong balang araw ako ang sisisihin kasi hindi ako sumubok. So half-heartedly, I said YES.
That was when I realized that we could never go back together. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not bitter. I’ve actually forgiven you a long time ago. But maybe the love that’s left, if there’s any, is not enough to forget all the pain I’ve been through. Honestly, I’m not hurting anymore. But I don’t know how and what to feel. I don’t love you. I don’t hate you either.
And that was when it hit me. Being “okay” just means being “okay”. As simple as that. It does not have to be with you or anyone else. It’s not the things or people that we have that makes us “okay”. It’s the filling of contentment, peace and most importantly, acceptance of the things that are not meant to be.
Yes, I’m okay now. But this is not the end. This is just me starting all over again without you. This is your “the end” in my life story.